


inside this cage called isolation

by kadotoriku



Series: Helpless World [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Era, Canon Universe, Canon-Typical Violence, Friendship, Gen, POV Eren Yeager, Self-Indulgent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:42:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28357191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kadotoriku/pseuds/kadotoriku
Summary: Because the Arlert kid moved elsewhere with his grandfather, Eren Jaeger knows nothing of fiery water and mountains of sand, of lands with eternal snow and large salty lakes. His only goal in life after the the Fall of Wall Maria is simple: do whatever it takes to survive in this cruel world.
Series: Helpless World [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2184942
Comments: 14
Kudos: 90





	inside this cage called isolation

The marketplace is bustling with activity. Barters and offers are thrown left and right, fish is loudly chopped up into pieces, and there’s the occasional yell about limited special deals. The sky’s full of clouds shielding Shiganshina from the morning sun, a pleasant chilly breeze ruffling his clothes. Eren’s mom holds his hand as she haggles with a vendor over her chosen vegetables.

Nearby, two housewives gossip with one another while picking out fruits. He can’t help but listen in to their conversation, curious as to what’s the latest talk of their humble section of Shiganshina where noteworthy things happen once in a blue moon.

“...The MPs arrested a family for the possession of illicit goods!”

“Last night? Who?”

“The family that hoards books, I think. An old man, two parents, and a son. They live near my home, so you can imagine my surprise to hear that their house was raided...”

“Oooh. “ A thoughtful pause. “Let me guess... the Arlerts? I’ve always pitied their son, constantly picked on by older boys...” Eren thinks he knows who they’re referring to, assuming that it _is_ the blond that has the unfortunate status of being local bullies’ favorite punching bag. He’s seen the other kid around a few times but nothing truly worth remembering.

“Yes! Them. Unfortunate, right?”

“What’ll happen to the boy, though?”

“I think he and his grandfather moved elsewhere for a change of scenery. The parents, well, they were taken away...”

His mom tugs on his hand and Eren returns his attention to her. He offers his empty basket and she places a few of her purchases in it. Carla mutters about the recent price changes due to a shift in demand from the Interior. Something about a new beauty product that requires a certain herb as its main ingredient.

 _Dinner’s going to be delicious_. Eren nods along to her chattering, thinking about how that same plant is common in some of his dad’s homemade remedies, and easily forgets about the piece of gossip concerning the Arlert family.

*

The neighborhood boys are quick to find new prey when Eren passes by them, catching a glimpse of them circle in on their latest target. They’ve tried to go after Eren before, despite initially being put-off by his stare and his father’s reputation as a renowned doctor, but received well-timed kicks to the gut and an overhead grapple for the particularly stubborn.

He doesn’t find them interesting nor does he desire to fuel their childish desire for power and dominance. Though Eren doesn’t understand them, he _does_ know that only _they_ can stop themselves from bullying whom they perceive to be weak. The only option when faced against them is to stand his ground, not let himself be pushed around, and _fight_.

Hopefully they’ll grow out of it or find some other place to use their energy. They cause such a disturbing ruckus in the shortcuts Eren takes and force him to take the longer route home sometimes.

It’s troublesome, to say the least.

*

“Mikasa?”

“That’s right.” His dad nods, knocking on the cabin’s door. Behind them, the clouds lightly rain upon the earth. The smell of wet mud and greenery fills the air, a comforting and relaxing scent. “She’s your age. There aren’t any other children around here, so make friends with her.”

 _Here we go again_ , Eren thinks with an absentminded tug on the scarf his mother gave him. This must be another one of his dad’s attempts to coerce him into making friends when Eren is perfectly content with keeping the annoying, bratty kids at an arm’s length. He’s sure that befriending other children just isn’t for him.

“Sure. I mean, depending on what she does...”

If she doesn’t ditch him to do something else, call him ridiculous names, or anything of that sort.

Grisha sighs. “You see, Eren, that attitude is why you have no friends.”

He knocks twice once more but, still, no one comes to answer.

“Hm? Maybe they’re not home?” His dad opens the door and slowly opens it inwards. “Mr. Ackerman...? It’s Jaeger. Is anyone home?”

Eren peaks in as his dad lets out a horrified gasp.

 _Carnage_.

Metallic, rotting blood invades his nostrils. A woman that he assumes is Mrs. Ackerman is lying on the ground, head facing away from the door as her body sits on a pool of drying crimson liquid. Mr. Ackerman is slumped against the table’s leg, hunched over with a permanent look of wide-eyed shock.

They’re as still as statues, and Eren instantly knows that there’s no hope for them anymore. Lifeless, too far gone for even the most skilled doctors to resurrect.

Grisha carefully walks over the patches of blood on the floor, checking on Mr. Ackerman’s corpse before feeling for Mrs. Ackerman’s pulse. “Dammit, no good...” he murmurs softly, then raises his voice to say, “they’ve both been dead for some time now.”

Eren tilts his head downwards in respect for the parents, eyes darting around for any sign of life inside and outside the cabin. He holds the cold doorknob. The door creaks when he opens it wider to get a better view.

“Eren. Was the girl... Mikasa around?”

“No.”

An unsurprised sigh.

“I see...” Grisha says as he stands up while looking around the house’s interior once more. A grimace at the gruesome display of human cruelty. “I’m going to call on the Military Police Brigade and request that a search party be sent out. You wait at the base of the mountain.”

And Eren does.

Because why should he disobey his self-preservation instincts for a girl that he barely knows? It’s not like it’s _him_ that sent people to kill Mikasa’s family. He, at the very least, prays for her safety but has a very good feeling that his prayers don’t mean anything. If she got killed, he hopes that she died painlessly.

He waits at the pathway at the foot of the mountain as his dad takes off on horse to the nearest military post. Considering that the rain is pouring by the time he gets there, he isn’t surprised to find the area deserted, with most people already having taken better shelter. His tiny body easily wedges underneath the large trees, shielded from the elements. He doesn’t dare stray too much from the coverings that provide him cover both from the rain and people with bad intentions.

*

Only when the rain ceases does the MP’s and his dad make their grand appearance. Eren frowns at the time wasted waiting around for the skies to clear but doesn’t voice his displeasure at their lateness. Night is quickly approaching and finding Mikasa, dead or (hopefully) alive, will be much more difficult in the darkness.

His dad has a firm, tight grip on his hand when the two of them trail after the soldiers. Grisha mumbles words and prayers under his breath that Eren can’t hear.

Eren squeezes their hands together, not wanting his dad to be sad or scared.

They navigate through the forest. Any footsteps made on the mud have already been washed away. They head towards an abandoned cabin that might be where Mikasa and the kidnappers are and find it empty. His dad swipes two fingers across the surface of a rocking chair in one of the rooms, visibly biting back a curse when he finds no dust or dirt.

There _were_ people here recently.

Besides the cabin, they reach a dead end on how to locate the girl. They’d still have to gather a larger search party _and_ traverse the thick forests if they want to pursue her. Not only that, they have no leads where Mikasa may have been brought to, as the trees stretch on for miles around the mountain.

When one of the MP’s apologize to Grisha that the case may have to be left cold because, “They’re long gone. The girl has likely been killed at this point,” Eren is sympathetic.

But, besides that, life goes on.

*

The teachers at school would sometimes ask what he’d like to be when he grows up. Eren would shrug and answer that _maybe I’ll be a doctor like my dad_. It’s not like he has any aspirations, any specific dream in mind. He wants a secure and comfortable life, to give back all the love his parents showered him with, and... and that’s it. Eren’s content in following his dad’s footsteps into medicine. It’s not uncommon for children to pick up their parents’ practices, anyway.

Life in Shiganshina is peaceful, far far away from the competitiveness of Rose and the uptightness of Sina. He tilts his head upwards and admires the languid pace of the clouds. No pair of them are the exact same size and shape. A small speedy cloud overtakes a large one, both of them outlined with a golden tint from the sun.

*

The firewood weighs down his back and he shrugs his shoulders, jostling the stack a bit. He touches his eyes, surprised to find them moist with unshed tears.

_What was I dreaming about again?_

His dream, like every other one, easily slips from his mind like water between his fingers.

Well, if he can’t remember it, then it must be boring and not memorable enough for his brain to record. He wipes his face on his sleeve and makes his way back to Shiganshina’s inner gate.

He shouldn’t waste too much time dawdling or he’ll get scolded.

“Oi, Eren!”

“Mr. Hannes!” he greets and walks towards the soldier. Eren tilts his head to the side, recognizing the overwhelming scent of liquor. At a nearby stack of crates is a few Garrison soldiers huddled over a pile of playing cards and booze. _Ah_. “You’re drinking again.” He doesn’t necessarily say it in a scolding tone, more like merely stating the obvious.

Hannes’ cheeks are tinged with light pink, light enough that the average passerby may wave it off as a natural blush or a trick of the light. “Would you like to join in?”

“No, thank you. What’s your work today?”

“Oh! We’re on gate duty.”

“Until when is your shift?” Eren asks. “Mom wants to know if you and your wife can come for supper.”

“I’d never miss the opportunity to have some of Carla’s cooking! I’m only on call for the afternoon, so give or take an hour, but I can always ask one of these guys”—a jerk of his head to the other soldiers—”to cover for me.”

Eren nods. “I’ll tell her that.”

Hannes ruffles Eren’s hair, an affectionate gesture that warms the boy’s heart. “Take care, Eren.”

“See you later, Mr. Hannes.”

*

_Clang! Clang! Clang!_

On his way home, the district’s bell rings loudly to signal that the gate is opening. Eren momentarily stops in his tracks at the sound. _The Survey Corps has returned from their latest expedition_. A prickle of curiosity tickles his insides, but he’s aware of how gruesome the aftermaths can be and so he decides not to join the people crowding around the injured and exhausted soldiers.

*

“I’m home,” he announces, already taking off his carrier and unloading the wood into the relegated box.

“Welcome back,” his dad greets.

Carla looks back at him as she hovers over her simmering pot of broth. “Welcome back, Eren. You’re early. What did Hannes say?” She sprinkles a pinch of crushed spices into her cooking. A mouth-watering aroma filling the room.

It smells delicious, like all of her cooking.

“Mr. Hannes said that his shift ends in around an hour, but he and his wife can come earlier,” Eren reports.

He pauses, spotting his dad’s medical tools bag on top of the dining table. “Huh? Dad, you’re going out _now_?” Grisha smiles tiredly, and Eren is vaguely reminded of the day after Mikasa’s disappearance when his dad was plagued by internal guilt and what-ifs.

Has his dad been getting enough sleep lately? It’s like his eyebags are getting increasingly darker whenever Eren pays attention to them. Maybe he has some sort of intensive research project again...

“Yeah. I have to see a patient two towns up.”

“You’re not gonna stay for supper? Can I come?” Eren tries not to pout.

A chuckle. “Sorry, but I’ll miss the boat if I stay for too long. Maybe on another trip, I’ll take you with me, but I promise to bring home sweets.”

Perking up at the prospect of confectioneries, he nods enthusiastically and quickly forgets about his initial disappointment. While Eren insists that he can handle it, Grisha refuses to let him accompany him on trips to towns with contagious diseases or to patients with gory afflictions.

Oh, well, Eren can ask for all the details later.

“Supper will be done in an hour,” his mom announces, covering the pot and moving to clean the dishes in the sink. “Dear, when you pass by Hannes, can you tell them? And, Eren, set up the table, will you, please?”

Eren makes an affirmative noise, saluting and taking the wet rag handed to him, while his dad says, “Sure. I’ll tell them.”

*

Carla tells Eren to buy some last-minute ingredients at the same time Grisha stands up to leave. The market is in the opposite direction of the boats, so Grisha keeps a hand in Eren’s hair until they exit their home.

Grisha reaches under his shirt and takes out a shiny gold key. “Eren, when I get home...” A brief pause, a weighing of words. “I’ll show you what’s in the basement that I’ve been keeping secret all this time.”

As far as Eren knows, the only thing down there is an office—or maybe some experiments and texts that Grisha thinks he’s too young to see. “R-really?” he asks excitedly, recalling the many times he’s been firmly reminded to _never_ enter without explicit permission. The basement has always been a mystery to him, an elusive focus of many of his childish fantasies.

His dad nods, smiling, before he kisses Carla goodbye.

“Have a safe trip!” Eren exclaims.

When Grisha makes a right turn out of sight, Eren then turns the other way and sets out to buy a few last-minute ingredients for his mom with a farewell of, “I’ll go now!”

His step has a bit more bounce to it, giddy at unlocking one of his life’s biggest secrets. The thought of sneaking into the basement _has_ crossed his mind a few times, but he’s never been the type to disobey, especially when his dad has a dead serious expression.

There’s no better taste than the warmth of a meal prepared and cooked with love, no better place than a table with loved ones laughing and bantering. He may be biased (and doesn’t care if he is), but nothing can beat anything his mom can make when she puts her heart and soul into it.

...What a shame that his dad couldn’t stay long enough, but work is work and he always does his best to make up for lost time.

*

Eren grumbles as he checks out the next stall. _None_ of them have the specific spice his mom wants! Shiganshina cuisine wouldn’t be Shiganshina cuisine without a crazy amount of herbs and seasonings. He’s on the verge of tearing his hair out in frustration, scolding himself for not monitoring their stocks often.

He sighs mournfully and pats his pocket to check if the money’s still there. Thank Maria that his dad went to invite Mr. Hannes instead. He still has spare time to check the next shopping street if he sprints.

“Do you really not have anymore?”

The vendor shakes her head, lips pinched together in a contemplative frown. “You might find some in the next block. Merchants have been pricing them higher by the bag because of demand from Sina.”

“Okay, thank you.”

Shoppers inspect the remaining produce, children play with one another, and owners meticulously rearrange their products. The wind dies down, leaves going still as they flutter down onto the pavement. A dog barks in the distance, growling and intimidating an unseen foe.

There’s a strange disturbance in the air. A foreboding feeling that a disaster is about to strike. Cautiously stepping away from the stall, Eren looks from side to side. He runs a hand on his arm, goosebumps tingling from energy in the air.

The air has a suffocating thickness that makes it difficult to breathe. There’s the smell of cheap candlewax. Goosebumps form on his arms, the hair there standing up in a defensive reflex.

A reflex against what, though?

Does no one else feel it?

What is—?

_BOOM!_

A loud sound echoes throughout the district, a murderous roar, an explosion. Eren’s tiny body is thrown off-balance by the earth’s shaking as buildings shudder and hanging signs shake. He lands on his butt, hands flailing to catch himself on something. His lower palms scrape against the uneven stone road, the white marks angrily itching on his sensitive skin.

Following the trail of the others’ wide eyes, Eren feels himself rooted to the spot.

His initial thought is that the sound is a large crash from outside the Wall, but the Survey Corps already came back earlier and cannons aren’t capable of producing such a large amount of white smoke and gunshots aren’t that destructive. Even from a far distance, Eren can feel the heat of the steam. Beads of sweat roll down his face and back, his body ramrod straight and fingers digging into the ground.

A large, bright red hand bursts through the smoke and grips the Wall, gripping onto the only barrier between humanity and the Titans. Stone cracks underneath it, dark spiderweb-like patterns forming under its hold. People scream and start running, instinctively knowing that they should _run run get the hell away_ from the outer gate.

Then, a head peaks from above the Wall.

“Ah...” Eren stammers. “One of _them_... a Titan!”

The Titan is skinless, bright muscles exposed to the sweltering air. It looms above the district, casting a dark shadow above Eren’s precious hometown. His legs shake as he turns to move but he’s fixated on the sight, wondering what the Titan will do next and wanting to see even though he shouldn’t wait and he should leave and—

_BOOM!_

The gate explodes.

Rocks go soaring through the air. Houses are struck and decimated. People are crushed and pinned down by boulders. Pebbles tear through windows and hanging clothing, mercilessly pelting the Shiganshina residents. Screams blend into one combined cry for mercy. Blood splatters and spills all around him, death sweeping over the district like a contagious plague.

Eren inhales sharply, turning around with the need to _go go go_ because his mom might still be at home and he needs to make sure that they the hell out of here together!

He knows Shiganshina like the back of his hand, every nook and cranny and intersection and building because this is his _home_. This is the place that he grew up in, that he cherishes as his own familiar territory, that he learned to love despite the gnawing emptiness that would occasionally fester in his chest. He takes the shortest possible route home, uncaring of the people he shoves through and passes by.

 _There’s no way my house was hit! I’m sure she’s already escaped_... When Eren rounds the last corner, his house will be there just like always—!

“Dammit!” he yells. “ _MOM!_ ”

He curses his luck when he turns and finds a gigantic rock atop his house, the ceiling caved in under its weight and under there is his _mom_. He can see her; she seems alive but seeming is not being and he needs to know—

“Mom...?” Eren pulls a few wooden boards off the pile, urging her to respond.

A weak gasp, a shuddering breath, a sign of _life_.

“Eren, is that you?”

“Yes, mom! Hold on, I’m gonna move this pillar!” Knuckles white as he grips onto the wooden beam, he heaves, “One, two, _three_!”

It doesn’t budge—stubbornly heavier than anything Eren’s ever handled. It remains solid and unyielding to his pathetic attempt to move it. His arms shake from trying to exert force, and he curses his pathetically weak body. Growls unconsciously emit from his throat, strained breaths escaping from his lungs.

The ground shakes, vibrations causing a few pebbles to rumble, its tempo at peace compared to Eren’s own pounding heart. Dust from atop the roof falls and clouds of dirt coat his person with grime. Screams from neighbors and other people can be heard from far far away, terrified pleas and desperate yells echoing in his ears.

“Th-the Titans got inside, didn’t they? Eren, get out of here! NOW!”

Eren hisses out a reply through grit teeth, “I... I’D LOVE TO! So let’s hurry up and get you out!” The pillar creaks from the tiny inch he managed to lift it. _Just a bit more._ “Come on! Let’s get out of here together!”

“My legs got crushed by the rubble. Even if you get me out, I can’t run... You understand, don’t you?”

He shakes his head. He can’t leave his mom like this! The two of them can get out of here and find Dad and move somewhere safe! Bolstered by adrenaline, he knows that his body should reach normally unattainable levels of strength because of his fight or flight instincts—!

“I’LL CARRY YOU!”

“WHY DO YOU CHOOSE NOW OF ALL TIMES NOT TO LISTEN TO ME? At least obey me for this last time!” Eren doesn’t reply in favor of using all his power to keep pushing at the wooden beam. He’s always been a good kid—an _obedient_ child but, dammit, he’s not going to abandon the woman that worked hard to raise him into who he is today!

His eyes glare at the pillar, willing it to become lighter. Eren hears the whirring of 3DMG and his mother continues screaming, but he doesn’t pay attention. He gets tunnel vision, focused solely on moving the rubble and pillar before it’s too late.

Is the new arrival Mr. Hannes or some unknown soldier? Either way, they can help him! His neck hurts and he doesn’t want to tear his eyes off his mom in case she magically disappears. Mr. Hannes can help him after he kills the Titan—or at least help him now so the three of them can avoid fighting.

 _Please, please, please_.

Maybe Eren should find a long piece of wood and jump on it? Is he heavy enough to potentially move a big pillar? Is there a... Maybe he’s pulling the wrong beam and is there something on top of the roof and maybe he should move something else to lessen the weight and he can—

Someone hoists him up.

“H- _hey_! M-Mr. Hannes! What are you doing? Hey, my mom is still...”

He flails, no reply reaching his ears as he dangles over Hannes’ shoulder. He stretches out his hand towards his mom because _why are we leaving why are we going why are we abandoning her no please_. He prays for a miracle, for... for _something_ to get rid of the debris on his mom! Where are the other soldiers? Or neighbors? Did they all really not spare a thought for his beautiful, wonderful, kind-hearted mother?

“Eren! _SURVIVE!_ ”

No, no, no!

Those sound like last words... they’re... surely they’re not? Eren shakes his head, refusing to believe it. His vision blurs and he’s transfixed on the morbid scene that is his home crashed down on the woman that brought him into the world.

Then, he sees it.

A Titan makes its way towards his home. It has a large, menacing grin with its teeth exposed. Its large body towers over the buildings. _That—that’s what Mr. Hannes couldn’t kill_ , he thinks to himself, horrified.

The roof of his home is easily tossed aside by the beast, and it digs its bony hands into the rubble. Eren stills, frozen in shock because _no no no this is not real let this be a dream please please please stop_. His mind races to burn the image of his mom into his mind, alongside the fond memories he’s had in the building he’s been living in for all his life.

The Titan lifts his mother up.

“ _NO!_ ”

Its large fist traps his mother in a tight grip and _squeezes_.

Carla’s body jerks from the crushing sensation, then stills like a limp doll—like she’s... like she’s... _dead_...

She’s not handled with finesse nor the care she deserves, and the Titan brings her bleeding body close to its mouth. Eren gasps at how she’s so _unmoving_... so unlively. Carla Jaeger is a fierce woman that takes no shit from anyone, so to see her dangle from giant hands into a Titan’s wet mouth is... is—

_Snap!_

The Titan bites down.

His mother disappears between its teeth, legs the only part of her that remain uneaten.

Eren isn’t able to see more as Hannes makes a sharp turn around a corner, obscuring his view of the sadistic Titan. Words clog up his throat, thoughts swirling around like hurricanes demanding his attention. He loses sensation of his fingers and his body goes numb, feeling _there_ and _not there_ at the same time.

Raising a hand, he taps on the arm holding his back. An unusual wave of calmness rises up inside him. “Mr. Hannes, why didn’t you—” His voice cracks, sounding unintentionally accusing. “ _Why didn’t you save my mom?_ ”

Away from the Titans’ view and with no monsters nearby, he’s gently set down on his feet when they reach the underside of a large elevated bridge. Mr. Hannes kneels down in front of him, tears flowing freely and Eren is abruptly reminded that it isn’t just _himself_ that’s close with his mom.

“You couldn’t save your mom because you weren’t strong enough.” The brutal honesty is a punch to the gut—but that pain doesn’t compare to the sinking feeling of his stomach as he’s faced with the reality of his situation.

Is all he did in vain? What if he invited his mom to come with him so they can go to the market together?

Surely, this is the part where he wakes up from this terrible dream, right?

_Right?_

Hannes voice lowers, the beginning part uttered like a whisper he doesn’t want Eren to hear. “...I didn’t face the Titan because I wasn’t brave enough.”

Eren starts crying at the admission.

Any last remaining bit of fight in his body disappears. His internal water gates drop and he lets his tears run down his cheeks. He’s not a baby anymore but can’t suppress the sob that escapes from his mouth. He tries to cover his mouth to muffle his noises but his shoulders shake and his body sags and it’s too late to hide.

Mr. Hannes takes his hand and leads him towards the docks, murmuring apologies of “I’m sorry... I’m sorry...” along the way.

*

Memories of their voyage to the refugee boat is a haze in Eren’s mind. Hannes nudges him aboard gently, whispering a promise that he’ll be back for Eren and help him find Grisha. The thought of losing another person terrifies Eren, and he doesn’t know what he’ll do if another member of his family is lost to the Titans.

He’s sandwiched between unknown strangers, the soldiers monitoring the evacuation yelling for them to squeeze together as much as possible. He leans against a wall and brings his knees close to his chest. They’re to be shipped off into the nearest district, and Eren dares not to think of those that live nearest to Shiganshina’s outer gate and of those that won’t make it atop a boat and of those with no means of transportation to escape.

_BOOM!_

Snapped out of his trance by a third loud noise, Eren hears the people around him gasp. He lifts his head up. Between the buildings, he spots smoke coming from the inner gate—and a large Titan straightens up into view.

Does that mean Wall Maria...

Wall Maria has fallen?

“It’s all over...” someone sobs.

“Humanity is gonna be devoured by the Titans again...” Another person curls further into themself.

He looks down, finding no energy to be fearful of the implications of Titans entering interior Maria territory.

 _I’ll never be able to go home again._ He stares and stares and _stares_ at his bloody hands. Markings from the wooden pillar and when he’d fallen at the marketplace glare back at him. Situations and what-if scenarios rise up in his mind. _All I could do was nothing else but be weak! Mom’s gone... I’m never gonna see her again..._

Her loving warmth, the way her smile made him feel safe, her soft voice whenever she encouraged him to go outside and try to mingle with other kids... It’s only an hour or two ago that life was how it should be. Calm, surrounded by loved ones, and stress-free.

_Why is this happening to us? Is it because humans are weak? Is crying the only thing the weak can do?_

Teardrops fall into his open palms. One hundred years has the Wall stood its ground against the Titans. Why is it _now_ that they decide to strike? Why is it humanity couldn’t do much against their assault? Why is it Eren couldn’t do something as simple like lifting up a fucking beam crushing his mom?

Mr. Hannes said that he couldn’t save his mom because he’s weak. While Eren has the resolve and drive, he’s nothing but all bark and no bite.

 _Survive!_ his mom had yelled at him before she’d been grabbed by a Titan.

He’ll...

Eren clenches his fist painfully, making a promise, an oath, a vow to keep moving forward.

He’ll work hard. He’ll train. He’ll resist the urge to go out the coward’s way. He’ll fulfill her final request that he make it through this. He’ll refuse to lie down and simply accept whatever the world throws at him. He’ll fight and do whatever it takes to live a long and safe life just like she wanted.

He’ll _survive_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from Eren's character song (Helpless World). All the chapter titles will be from Imagine Dragons' Believer.
> 
> So, okay, this started out as a thought experiment because of tweets related to, ahem, manga spoilers that shall not be named here. Long story short, I wondered how Eren would be had he not met Armin and became driven to eradicate the Titans for humanity's freedom. Canon says that he didn't have any close friends before Armin, and was "perfectly content to watch the clouds" before Armin showed him books about the outside world. He was an eccentric kid ostracized by his peers for his "weirdness", staying mostly in the background.
> 
> Thus, this story was somehow born. With no Armin and no Mikasa, Eren is... a bystander. Someone perfectly content with staying from the crowd and drama. Someone that _does_ fight back when provoked, but will not go out of his way for other people. His only goal becomes survival and he's unapologetically self-preservative. The fire of our beloved canon hothead is still there somewhere, but blink and you'll miss it.
> 
> Thanks for stopping by! Please feel free to leave a comment on your way out and I hope you stick around for more. :D
> 
> Happy holidays and advanced Happy New Year!

**Author's Note:**

> Twitter: [kadotoriku](https://twitter.com/kadotoriku).


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